truth be told

One week to go. And there is nothing I'd rather do less right now than run. I'm ashamed to even admit it, and I hate it, but it's the truth. I seemed to have lost my motivation after the 15k, rather than it getting me excited for my next race. A couple months ago my training was going well and I felt strong. Not now. The past few weeks have been rough.

I could come up with all sorts of excuses. I was sick, busy, tired, out of town... Nothing different than anyone else could come up with I'm sure. When I should have been decreasing my mileage in preparation, I was just holding steady, trying to get in a run here and there. Those runs have been fewer and shorter than ever. It's not that I don't want to run at all. Going out for 3 miles is fine, I even enjoy it at 5 or 6 miles. But my excitement wanes considerably when I see the numbers 8, 10... 13.1.

I've been mad at myself more than is worth typing. Mad that for the second year in a row I've set a goal and not gotten to where I want to be. And this time it wasn't an injury outside of my control. But I am proud of where I am now compared to where I started. As a teenager, and still five years ago, my jeans were a size smaller, my face was a little less full. By my definition that meant I was in better shape. Yea? That me couldn't run a single mile. Take that 22 year-old self.

I'm still going to do this race. I know that it will still be an accomplishment, no matter what the clock reads when I finish. But realistically I know I won't be able to run the full 13 miles. I think I could probably get about half way through with my training thus far, plus race day adrenaline. But that leaves quite a distance to the finish line. My plan now is to do the half marathon with a run/walk method. I know it's not a great idea to switch things up at this point in the game, since I really don't have a chance to try anything out. But it's pretty much what I've been doing on my runs the last several weeks and at least now I'll be doing it with intent. I also figure this isn't truly a change as if I were pushing my body too far too quickly, wearing new shoes or eating/drinking something different on race day. From what I've read here and here, this may be my only hope right now to finish strong, and possibly salvage a decent time. Exactly the opposite of what happened on my last race day.

So here's what I AM looking forward to:
(Please forgive me that I couldn't come up with a full Top 10 list.)

5. Running because I enjoy it, not because I feel chained to it.
4. Going on a walk or bike ride with Brett and not feeling guilty for not using the time to run.
3. Seeing the finish line.
2. Visiting with a friend I haven't seen in 5 or 6 (or 7?) years. I'm so excited to catch up with her when she's in town for the Mini.
1. Guilt-free carbs. All week.